I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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