I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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