Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
