Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
