This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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