Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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