You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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