you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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