someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
