she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
