She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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