Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
