At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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