Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
