My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
