Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
