i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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