Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
