Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
