he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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