I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
