So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize