Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
