he wants to bone in the snuggie
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
