Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
