you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
