This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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