I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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