i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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