Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
