Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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