dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
