chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
