My nipple is on Facebook.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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