This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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