I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
