yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
