Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
