the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
