12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How's work?
Spinning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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