the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
