Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
