So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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