nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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