kristin has been a bad kristin
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The Olympian is in my bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
