Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
