hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
