i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
