can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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