so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
