I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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