I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
