Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
