Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
