i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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