I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
