just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
