I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
