so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
