And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
