the condom got lost in my hair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
