Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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