i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The adults are the big ones right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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