sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
false alarm, still single
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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