my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
