new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office