if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.