I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.