i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel