Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
