The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
