I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
